THE RISLEY PURITY TEST

Last updated 2/18/21. Version 4.2.0: Restructuring Points. Now weighted for Her Pleasure!

This test is designed to measure both how involved and how "spiritually connected" you are with Risley Hall. Note: Some questions are worth more than others.

Instructions: Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
Note: For the purpose of this test, a Risleyite is any member of Risley, RisAlum, or person who has scored as a Risleyite or higher on this test.

The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Click Here to see a list of all the Risley Purity Test ranks and the points needed to reach them.

The Basics. Have you ever?

(11 Points)

Been in Risley?
Eaten in Risley?
Been in the dining hall from when it opens until after it has closed eating dinner?
Been a member of Risley? (Out-of-House counts)
Lived in Risley?
...for your entire time at Cornell, until you were kicked out or graduated, failed out or died? (Been a RisLifer)
...without attending Cornell?
"Lived" in for Risley for your entire time at Cornell?
Been a RisMascot? (The Risley Mascot is the person living in Risley while not attending Cornell or having another residence.)
built something in the lego balcony?

Events and Traditions

(52 points)

Attended RisBrunch?
...Prepared RisBrunch?
Ate This?
...Prepared Eat This?
Attended Karaoke?
...Organized Karaoke?
Attended Rocky?
...As a member of the Denton Drama Troupe? (Acted in Rocky)
...Directed Rocky?
Attended Messiah?
...Sang or played an instrument at Messiah?
...Organized Messiah?
Ate at Harry Potter Night?
...Acted at Harry Potter Night?
...Organized Harry Potter Night?
Attended Masquerave?
...Volunteered for Masquerave?
...Organized Masquerave?
Attended a show in the Theater?
...Acted or Teched for a show in the Theater?
...Directed or Stage Managed a show in the Theater?
Attended Massage Night?
...Organized Massage Night?
Been a nude model for Life Drawing?
...Organized Life Drawing?
Attended Lost Coffee?
...Organized Lost Coffee?
attended Risley Porn Night?
... as a member of the Risley Porn Collective? (RPC puts on Porn Night. 2 points)
Been to a rave in the subbasement?
...no one runs a Rave in the subbasement?
Played on the RisWii?
...Been a Wiizard?
been to RisGiving?
...cooked for RisGiving?
.....the turkey?
been a RisOC? (Risley Orientation Counselor) (2 points)
... a hungover RisOC on move-in day?
... a "special" RisOC on move-in day? (Each year, one special person gets completly wasted, vomits everywhere, sleeps in it, and probably should have their stomach pumped.) (2 points)
... been elected Lord of the RisOCs? (2 points)
hung out with a Risley Faculty Fellow?
... and was read a bedtime story in a real British accent?
began a new Risley tradition or recurring program? (2 points)
kept a Risley tradition alive? (5 points. Thank you!)

Kommittee

(28 points)

attended Kommittee? (2 points)
... for 2+ hours?
... for 3+ hours?
... for 5+ hours? (Drafting GSA Sub Charter, Theatre Insurrection '06) (2 points)
... drunk (or othrewise altered)?
... ... drunk but still "contributing" to discussion? (Things this does not include: Dumping your drink all over a couch, giggling uncontrollably, throwing things at people, etc.)
... ... and drinking throughout?
... ... every week for a month?
... as the Rebel Alliance? (The Rebel Alliance is a Kommittee member who takes satirical and snarky minutes during the meeting, and then sends them to the listserv.)
been a Kommittee member? (Elected or Endured)
... been elected to Kommittee?
... specifically, ¡El Presidente for Life!? (2 points)
... specifically, the Kommittee Barber? (5 points)
been a sub-Kommittee member?
...other than t-sub or a-sub?
Witnessed a deployment of the mime?
...been the mime? (3 points)
Allocated for a mural at Kommittee?
...gotten it approved?
...actually painted it?
... with your naked body?
had a Letter of Marque and Reprisal issued to you?

Exploring Risley

(21 points, 40 questions)

Have you ever...

been in Risley's Gorge? (Yes, it's ours.)
been on the roof of the building?
... the roof of the tower?
been in the tower's fire escape?
been on top of the eschervator (the elevator) itself?
been in fourth lost? (eg. the attic)
been in the crawlspace above three and a half or fourth and a half?
been in the attic above fourth main/east?
been behind the fence where the machinery is in the sub-basement? (2 points)
been in one of the driers in the laundry room?
...to impress a romantic interest?
been in the room behind the dryers in the laundry room?
been under the front steps?
been in that narrow-doored room next to the elevator in the basement?
been in the Risley router room?
... and graffiti'd it?
entered Risley through a window?
... naked?
left Risley through a window?
... naked?

Risley and Theater Shops

(17 points)

Attended Open Shops Day?
Attended a workshop in the shops?
Attended a shop's open hours?
Emailed a shop's manager to let you in?
Been a shop manager? (2 points)
Thrown away 10 lbs of stuff as a shop manager? (2 points)
Pulled an all-nighter in the shops? (2 points)
Used a shop for other than its intended purpose? (2 points)
...excluding sex?
Organized a workshop? (3 points)
Lived in the shops?

Publications and Free Speech

(15 points)

Made a Risquirer?
Contributed to the Risley Revue?
Staffed the Risley Revue?
Founded or revived the Risley Revue? (2 points)
Read the Risley Revue?
Posted an unauthorized poster?
... Gotten interrogated about unauthorized posters? (2 points)
Asked for something on a listserve?
...for someone to take your virginity?
Sent an email to a listserv consisting entirely of titles of Beatles songs?
Delivered a valentine to EVERY Risleyite in the building?
...were they sexually explicit?
......without getting caught?

Pool

(47 points)

Done Pool?
...naked?
...with snow on the ground?
...Jello Pool? (2 points)
......naked?
...another, non-water pool? (2 points)
......naked?
...a themed pool?
Run Pool? (2 points)
Pooled with a family member? (2 points)
...with a Risleyite's family member?
...without the Risleyite there?
Pooled with someone you'd boink?
boinked with someone you'd pool?
Pooled with someone you've boinked?
boinked with someone you've Pooled?
been a Pool voyeur?
...and serenaded the people in Pool?
gotten out to cool off and been seen naked by passers by?
invited passers by to Pool?
...and had them join in? (2 points)
done a Castle Run?
done a Balch Run? (2 points)
...and been caught by the cops? (2 points)
Been to the Worst Pool Ever? (the hot water wasn't working. a point for your pain.)
Been locked out during pool?
..and had to knock on a window to get let back in?
Been on the Pool list-serve? (3 points)
Given the Cardinal Rules of Pool?
Broken a Cardinal Rule of Pool?
...was it NOT Rule 4? (No unnecessary slashing)
Broken all the Cardinal Rules of Pool (Please, no, please, no, BAN YOURSELF FOREVER)
Had the RA on call called on you?
Had CUPD called on you? (2 points)

Unkatunk and Intra-Building Relations

(39 points)

A few Terms...

Unkatunk to — The relationship between two people, A and C, whereby A has boinked B and B has boinked C.

Unkatunk through — The relationship between two people, A and B, whereby A has boinked B and B has boinked C. To be unkatunk through someone, you must be unkatunk to someone.

For example, pretend that Dale kisses Stacy. Stacy then goes on to kiss Dave. Dale would then be "unkatunk to" Dave, and "unkatunk through" Stacy.

Boink

boink

Are you unkatunk...

to 5 or more Risleyites (have you kissed anyone in Risley?)
to 10 or more Risleyites?
to 25 or more Risleyites?
through 5 or more Risleyites? (You are a Node.)
through 10 or more Risleyites? (You are a Hub.) (2 points)
through 15 or more Risleyites? You are a FUCKING AIRPORT. PLANES FLY IN AND OUT OF YOU.) (3 points)
through 5 or more FUCKING AIRPORTS? (You are a OH MY GOD GO GET TESTED NOW. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING THIS TEST FOR? THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT TESTS FOR YOU.) (OMG points)

Have you ever...

propositioned a Risleyite?
been propositioned by a Risleyite?
...a naked Risleyite? (Pool counts.)
...a staff member?
...a naked staff member?
accepted any of the above?
been sleazed on by a RisSleaze?
... boinked them?

Have you boinked:

the Risley Mascot?
an RA?
ALL the RAs? (from one particular year, not necessarily during that year.)
a Risley staff member (excluding the RHD, but pro- or student-staff)?
...the RHD?
all the RAs, staff members and the RHD? (from one particular year, not necessarily during that year.) ((GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL.))

Naughtiness

(26 points)

With a Risleyite or in Risley have you ever...

been nekkid in Risley?
snuggled or spooned or dryhumped?
made out?
groped?
had oral sex?
69'd?
had vaginal sex?
had anal sex?
rimmed?
fisted?
been in naughty pictures (taken by a Risleyite or in Risley)?
been involved in bondage? (Rocky and/or Masquerave do not count.)
masturbated?
used sex toys?
lost a Lee Press-On Nail in a bodily orifice? (2 points!)
screamed out in sexual ecstasy and had someone not involved scream back?
fallen asleep during sex?
roleplayed during sex?
roleplayed as Cornell staff members? (2 points)
done any of the above with more than one person at once? (2 points)

Super Bonus Naughtiness!

(25 points)

Have you ever...

broken furniture in Risley during a sexual act?
...owned by Cornell?
been beaten, pounded, mauled, bruised, scarred, bitten or otherwise assaulted by a Risleyite (or vice-versa)?
... with sexual intent?
... and drew blood or bled?
... any of the above, but with knives? ("The Adri Point")
lost your virginity in Risley or to a Risleyite?
taken somone's virginity in Risley?
... a Risleyite's virginity in Risley? (2 points)
boinked a Risleyite with a significant other? (Your sig does not count.)
... with their sig in the room? (Swingin')
participated in a Risley orgy? (Daily Sun-worthy!) (2 points)
hosted an orgy or group boinking in Risley?
... without your presence? (2 points)
been referred to as the "easiest lay in Risley"?
... competed for the title? (2 points)
been rumoured to be the "best lay in Risley"?
used this test as a checklist? (Well? Get on it.)
been a force of evil? (eg. Successfully persuaded Risleyites to get naked or hook up for your personal amusement.)
succumbed to a force of evil?

Naughty Locations!

(34 points)

With a Risleyite or in Risley, have you ever boinked or Boinked:

Easy...

in your room?
in someone else's room?
in the showers?
in the Front Hall, the Great Hall, or Tammany?
in the TV room/CLR/Cowcliffes?
in the laundry room?
...the pool closet?
in the dance studio?
in the eschervator?
in the shops?
...ALL of the shops? (2 points)
while on Louie's run?
in the 2nd floor library?
in the courtyard?
in the gorge?
in the sub basement?

Moderate...

in a relative stranger's room?
with others in the room?
in a kitchen?
on a balcony or a ledge?
in the theatre or theatre related space?
in one of the rooms over Tammany?

Hard...

on the roof? (2 points)
in the RisDining Kitchen? (2 points)
in a staff member's apartment? (2 points)
in the RA Office? (2 points)
in the Louie's Lunch truck? (2 points)

Big 'B' Boinking

(35 points)

With a Risleyite or in Risley, have you Boinked:

in the laundry room?
in the practice rooms or shops?
in the 2nd floor library?
... with more than one person at once? (2 points)
in the theatre or theatre related space (ie. the tool room)?
in the courtyard?
in the gorge?
in the room of someone who is not party to the Boinking?
in a relative stranger's room?
in the RA office?
in the dance studio?
in Tammany? (2 points)
in the TV room/CLR/Cowcliffes? (2 points)
... with an allocation beforehand explicitly for that purpose for any of the above 3? (3 points)
in the Front Hall? (2 points)
in the Great Hall? (2 points)
in the eschervator?
on a Louie's run? (2 points)
in a kitchen? (2 points)
in one of the rooms over Tammany?
with others in the room not participating? (2 points)
did you get caught in any of the above? (2 points)

Crimes and Misdemeanors

(21 points)

created such a disturbance that you were asked to leave a dining hall?
caused other tables to get up and leave?
stolen, vandalized, or trespassed on Zeta Psi property?
mooned Zeta Psi? (2 points)
drank alcohol while underage in Risley?
used illicit drugs in Risley?
bought drugs in Risley?
dealt drugs in Risley?
Tried to bribe someone to not take a room during selection?.
...with sexual favors? (2 points)
...did it work?

Assorted Feats

(23 points)

helped someone find their sexual orientation?
used a dildo from Rocky for its god-given purpose? (2 points)
boinked your friends? (platonic)
boinked your enemies? (silly)
Boinked your enemies? (HATESEX HATESEX)
had a non-aquatic fish in Risley?
been in a protest organized by a Risleyite?
organized a protest?
Been in a Risley Cuddle Puddle?
Built a pillow fort?
...in a common area?
...and actually slept in it? (2 points)
Won a RisPerlative?
...multiple?
Gotten the Risquirer temporaily banned?
Cut your hair or made another semi-permanent change to your appearance for a show in Risley?
... onstage?
Been a SuperSquatter (Lived in the same room all four years)
Come to a Ris Event in drag?
...other than Rocky? (2 points)

Legendary Feats

(18 points)

Have you ever...

Been a Risley Purity Test Author? (How many points? We're shameless, that's how many.)
...B/boinked an Author? (you know who you are)
...been unkatunk to an Author? (If you aren't sure, you probably are.)
put a tree in the atrium of Risley?
...stolen bits of tree and used them to decorate your room?
Spent Valentines Day making sweet sweet love TO the building?
while in pool, been asked by a uniformed police officer whether you were, maybe, looking for any of your clothing?

Maintained by The Once and Future Risleyite. (check all)

THE RISLEY PURITY TEST

Instructions: Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes". Note: For the purpose of this test, a Risleyite is any member of Risley, RisAlum, or person who has scored as a Risleyite or higher on this test.

The "submit" button is at the bottom.

The Basics. Have you ever?

Events and Traditions

Kommittee

Exploring Risley

Risley and Theater Shops

Publications and Free Speech

Pool

Unkatunk and Intra-Building Relations

A few Terms...

Boink

boink

Naughtiness

Super Bonus Naughtiness!

Naughty Locations!

Big 'B' Boinking

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Assorted Feats

Legendary Feats

Instructions: Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
Note: For the purpose of this test, a Risleyite is any member of Risley, RisAlum, or person who has scored as a Risleyite or higher on this test.